I think I am morally bankrupt
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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