i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
