That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
