So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
