omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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