I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
