I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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