the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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