i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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