i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
