But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
