I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
