Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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