i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
