I didn't shave. On purpose
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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