I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
