i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
