i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
