Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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