he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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