Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
