I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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