I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
