I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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