whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I didn't notice because vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
