Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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