You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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