Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
