I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
