i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.