Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks