I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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