what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?