i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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