Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.