did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
