If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
