Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize