All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Randomize
