Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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