my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
