There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do vagina's smell?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ketchup is God's man juice
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
