so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize