Can Purell be used as lube?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
