guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
