You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
