I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
