Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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