I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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