I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
