fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've blown a few things in my day
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
