made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
