I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
