dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
