I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
