why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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