Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize