I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
