They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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