when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize