I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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