Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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