How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
