Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
