dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
