does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
