We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
