Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
