That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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