Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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