Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
