Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
