Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
