But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How does one acquire holy water?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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