I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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