We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
