Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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